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all hallows' econ. |
02.05.2004 |
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today at work, this girl was telling me about how she went to the dentist on the halloween of 2001. we all remember that halloween... one of the best halloweens ever. it started innocently enough... i had dressed up as a giraffe and ate thirteen kit-kats in one sitting. then, one of my friends dragged me off to some bar and i got wicked smashed. the night ended with me in the passenger seat of a semi, vomiting out of a giraffes upper chest. wow, that was the greatest halloween ever.
anyway, that same day... this girl i work with was at the dentist and the dentist told her that she needed a root canal. but, he wouldn’t do it himself since he was a “clean,” executive dentist. and that she would have to go to another dentist, a “messy” dentist, to do all the bloody work. he then explained that since her tooth decay had escalated to a “level pink,” it would be extremely painful and she would hate herself forever for not flossing.
after several days, this girl (let’s call her “girl” for the purpose of anonymity) received a follow-up call from her dentist explaining that her entire visit had been an april fools joke. the dentist then explained that he enjoyed playing the pranks months after april first because that’s when people were least expecting it.
that story just got me to thinking... damn, i need a new toothbrush. it’s been months since i’ve purchased one. all the bristles are bent, frayed, and softened. my plaque, so to speak, isn’t intimidated. obviously, though, toothbrushes are ridiculously expensive for what they are... and i haven’t had the money to get a new one what with how shitty the economy is and all.
so, then i thought of an idea to spark the economy. i took an economics class in college. and although that was the same semester as a half-dozen rides back to my apartment in the passenger seat of a semi at 4am and covered in my own vomit... i do remember all of that supply and demand stuff.
it’s two-hundred and sixty-eight days until halloween, and you know what that means? no one is thinking about it! they don’t even sell any halloween crap this time of year. the only halloween costumes and decorations that are around, are in suburban boxes and basements. so, it would be safe to say that the supply is virtually dead. but, what if there were a demand?
my theory is the following: since people aren’t going to go berserk buying halloween shit in february unless terrorists start bombing those seasonally abandoned halloween warehouses... and everyone starts WORRYING about the lack of supply... let’s just use the media to tell everyone that there IS and will continue to be a shortage of halloween costumes and decorations this coming fall. and, that if they want to celebrate all hallows’ eve this coming fall with their families, co-workers, and weirdo gothic vampire friends... then they better act. . . . NOW.
those halloween supply warehouses will open back up, jobs will be created by the tens—and possibly—hundreds. then, through some sort of “trickle-down” effect... the economy will rebound, if not surge.
scrounging self-employed e-bay malcontents will make thousands auctioning off their wares, stay-at-home mothers will be able to open art exhibits with their well-preserved, mint-condition, double-sided, cardboard-cut-out haunted house window hangings, coin collectors can continue to collect coins, canada can still be that nice next-door neighbor boy that would mow your lawn for free if you left town on vacation, and the economy, my friends, would be soaring. and i could get that fucking toothbrush.
sometimes, over a glass of jack straight, i wonder why i didn’t become an economist. instead, opting to be a twenty-one year old that still dresses up like a giraffe on halloween. other times, i never think about becoming an economist.
by the way, “girl,” who went to the dentist on halloween of 2001, ended up having that root canal. turns out, the “clean,” executive dentist wasn’t fooling about needing to floss to prevent tooth decay. |
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| 11:39 pm |
sui generis said this. |
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| POLL |
last night, phrensick polled the current 40-man roster of the MILWAUKEE BREWERS to find out their favorite and least favorite posts.
2003 Milwaukee Brewers favorite post:
XANDER'S "Owimoweh, Owimoweh."
2003 Milwaukee Brewers least favorite post:
SUI GENERIS'S "Popcorn Carts."
(poll was taken of the seven players that returned their questionnaires) |
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| response to POLL |
all i have to say to the milwaukee brewers: sarcasm and base hits... who would've guessed the brew crew couldn't get either?
~sui generis |
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