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| bulls on parade. | 12.11.2003 | |
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 the news was a rerun tonight. which is frustrating, because it’s hard enough to engage yourself in the happenings of the world in the present. concerning yourself with the news of some random day from the past... well, that’s near impossible. lets just say, the news at 11’s “if you haven't seen it, it’s new to you” doesn’t apply. anyhow, the cutting-edge, yet professional anchor woman was reporting on the “running of the bulls” in pamplona, spain. the race starts at 7am, but on eve of ‘the running,’ people stay awake all night long: partying, drinking, moving from one act of debauchery to another while avoiding the annoying PETA activists and their wordy anti-animal cruelty petitions. what is it with the spanish and their unhealthy fascination with sports involving bulls. because, like the similarly coined “bull-fighting,” the brave [read: those with a death wish] throw themselves into the red-flagged danger of screwing around with bulls. this fixation on toying with large, pissed-off beasts is a spanish “russian roulette”—or “spanish roulette.” or, "regular roulette (with your beating heart as the ante)" also works. drunk, and several hundred yards ahead of the running bulls, a throng of humans run through the streets of pamplona. occasionally, a person or twelve gets mauled, trampled, or impaled by horns. what kinds of people subject themselves to these idiotic flirtations with death? well, the number of elderly women with walkers and children under the age of five that participate is negligible. so, the predominant demographics would seem to be: * young men: ages 18 to 34; stupid * mature men: ages 35 to not-dead; stupid * women: with balls; drunk1 in addition, this needs to be planned. and planned well. for a hitchless “running of the bulls,” the first objective would be to solidify a location. this, in itself, seems to be an incredible logistical nightmare. at college, i was on the committee in charge of the town-gown negotiations for our homecoming parade. and, as much of a pain in the ass i remember blocking off the streets being—arranging a successful bull run is a task even the confederate army of 1861 would find arduous. how do you even bring that up to the local shop owners? “ok... so there’s going to be bulls...” excuse me, “pues, hay los toros...” do you even bring up the possibility of bulls smashing into their store windows or crapping big, bull crap at their storefront entrance? or does that just go without saying? the news report on “the running of the bulls” went on to report that american tourists at pamplona “enjoyed what [they] could remember” of the wildly outrageous spectator event; however, “it wasn’t as wildly outrageous” as adveritsed. really? you flew to spain for “the running of the bulls” and you expected something... else? clearly, americans would want them to americanize the event by maximizing the elements of violence, unpredictability, and controversy. thus, making it into a reality show. in that regard, a few changes would need to be implemented to gear bulls-chasing-people to a wider american audience: *surprising the participating “runners” by having another herd of bulls coming from the opposite direction. *throwing in some other random animals such as bears and cheetahs. *keeping the route a secret, and giving each of the runners directions (by mapquest) to locate the safe-zone at the end of the race. *no safe-zone at the end of the race. *and, probably a system where the runners could vote out others who weren’t carrying their weight. perhaps by throwing them at the rampaging bulls, to face a possible, and somewhat violent death. this is why i hate watching the news—new and old. 1 girls gone wild : pamplona |
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| 5:22 am | sui generis said this. | |
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